aerasio

dream

I used to have aspirations, dreams, desires, I might even have thought of myself as ambitious. Like how I used to be into poetry. I wrote some, read some. Had a bunch of friends I knew who dabbled here and there. We wrote, we shared, we idly joked about writing books, earning lots of money, getting famous, that kinda thing. For a time, those idle words seemed like they could almost become a reality, a shimmering whisper in the clouds, a shadow of a realized dream. That time passed as I became a little wiser in the ways of the world.

Wiser perhaps... but still a fool...

Over my short lifespan I've indulged in many fantasies. Enamored with the worlds of fantasy and fiction I indulged in conjured universes and surreal anime. I entertained delusions of greatness and destiny, like the protagonist of a kung fu flick or role-playing game. I used to wonder daily what hidden powers I had yet to unlock, what wondrous abilities lay concealed in the depths of my psyche, my being. I imagined daily the glorious day when those wishes would be realized, when my telepathic prowess would be unleashed or my mastery of the elements. I fantasized about adventures and heroism, bravery and virtue, and grew ever more dissatisfied with loathsome reality.

A worldly utopia swept me in, engulfed and oblivious to the charms of a perfect world.

I joined the ranks of Singaporean secondary school students, and with me, my dreams stepped up a little. Now they were a touch more realistic. I dreamed of becoming a great debater, a great philosopher, or a great orator and speaker, and influencer and thinker, respected and honored. I fancied myself a modern Voltaire or Socrates. I figured myself qualified, my reasoning and logic were (as far as I knew) unmatched, aside from my brothers, no one my age had yet out-talked me. Everyone seemed to think I was smart, so I had to be. I became interested in the arts as well, developing my 'skills' in writing, dabbling in poetry, penning scripts for plays, throwing ideas for books and screenplays around, I thought myself a genius, I fancied myself capable, nay destined, for greatness...

What an arrogant, foolish, smart-ass I was...

As my fourth year of secondary school dawned, I had grown up a little. I still had my dreams, and aspirations, but I no longer thought them possible. I had consigned them to the heap of wishes that would never be answered. A stubborn hope remained, but reason and rationality had taken over, my wishes and wants, ambitions and aspirations lay beyond me, beyond reach. Or so I had convinced myself. Yet a part of me was unconvinced, a part of me still wanted to fantasize, to envision, to dream...

Was it arrogant of me? Wishful and naive? Should anyone be denied their aspirations, or are some just too foolish, too egotistical, too unrealistic?

Now my life is different. My priorities are different. Maybe my own life isn't that important. My life, my wishes, my dreams. Maybe they don't matter so much. Maybe faith should matter more, faith in love, faith in the truth, faith in God. Life seems too vital, too precious and just too big to leave to the interests and wants of a single person. Life seems simply too important to be hoarded, and restricted to just one man, maybe it ought to be shared. Shared, in its entirety, every laugh and smile, and every moan and cry, shared with the ones you love, the ones you know, the ones you meet on the street. With anyone at all.

Life should never be caged. Man was never intended for solitude.

I still have dreams, wishes, aspirations. There are things I still long for, but they are no longer just my own. Those dreams that I seek for myself, they have a backseat, a calling number in a long and precious waitlist. There is a greater dream, a greater calling, one that transcends human endeavors and struggles, one that bears the purpose of the entire universe, the ultimate quest, the ultimate question and it is not my own. A dream of a humanity united, in service to each other and worship to the One God...

It is not mine to realize, nor any other Christian's, but God's and God's alone to bring to fruition through us.

And that perhaps, is a dream worth clinging to...


But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. (Matthew 6:33 King James Version)

So said Aerasio at 23:54