These words were taken from me brother's blog who took them from his friend's site, the credit for these words is not mine.
"Foolish boy," said the Witch. "Why do you run from me? I mean you no harm. If you do not stop and listen to me now, you will miss some knowledge that would have made you happy all your life."
"Well, I don't want to hear it, thanks," said Digory. But he did.
"I know what errand you have come on," continued the Witch. "For it was I who was close beside you in the woods last night and heard all your counsels. You have plucked fruit in the garden yonder. You have it in your pocket now. And you are going to carry it back, untasted, to the Lion; for him to eat, for him to use. You simpleton! Do you know what that fruit is? I will tell you. It is the apple of youth, the apple of life. I know, for I have tasted it; and I feel already such changes in myself that I know I shall never grow old or die. Eat it, Boy, eat it; and you and I will both live for ever and be King and Queen of this whole world - or of your world, iif we decide to go back there."
"No thanks," said Digory, "I don't know that I care much about living on and on after everyone I know is dead. I'd rather live an ordinary time and die and go to Heaven."
"But what about this Mother of yours whom you pretend to love so?"
"What's she got to do with it?" said Digory.
"Do you not see, Fool, that one bite of that apple would heal her? You have it in your pocket. We are here by ourselves and the Lion is far away. Use your magic and go back to your own world. A minute later you can be at your Mother's bedside, giving her the fruit. Five minutes later you will see the colour coming back to her face. She will tell you the pain is gone. Soon she will tell you she feels stronger. Then she will fall asleep - think of that; hours of sweet natural sleep, without pain, without drugs. Next day everyone will be sayinig how wonderfully she has recovered. Soon she will be quite well again. All will be well again. Your home will be happy again. You will be like other boys."
"Oh!" gasped Digory as if he had been hurt, and put his hand to his head. For he now knew that the most terrible choice lay before him.
C.S. Lewis - The Chronicles of Narnia: The Magician's Nephew
Over lunch on Tuesday, my friend C had shared with me this story, where Digory was faced with the choice between taking the apple to save his dying Mother, or to take the apple to Aslan. With tears in his eyes, he brought the apple to Aslan in Narnia - the apple grew into a Tree.
"Yes Aslan. She wanted me to take an apple home to Mother."
"Understand, then, that it would have healed her; but not to your joy or hers. The day would have come when both you and she would have looked back and said it would have been better to die in that illness."
And Digory could say nothing, for tears choked him and he gave up all hopes of saving his Mother's life; but at the same time he knew that the Lion knew what would have happened, and that there might be things more terrible even than losing someone you love by death. But now Aslan was speaking again, almost in a whisper:
"That is what would have happened, child, with a stolen apple. It is not what will happen now. What I give you now will bring joy. It will not, in your world, give endless life, but it will heal. Go. Pluck her an apple from the Tree."
If the outcome was the same, what difference would it have made even if the boy had taken the apple to his Mother? All the difference; because what lies in your hands will always be lost, unless you hand it to Him - and let His will be done. I have faltered all my life by handing over to Him only the unimportant, but selfishly hoarding the things that seemingly mattered the most, from cherished relationships to personal ambition. Yet in life I have learnt that the more you stubbornly struggle to hold on to something, the more it was never yours to begin with. Let go.
Instead the decision should never have been mine to make, but for His will to be done. If one path is to be taken, then He will pave a way, because He provides. He always does. But if one path is not to be taken, then His will is to be done - He gives and takes away. And so all my life, especially in times of dilemma, I have been straining to hear His voice. Yet what I now pray is for His will and only His will to be done - that I may grow and abound in faith and that I may obey. For whatever worries I face arise from a lack of trust in His plan. If I trust in Him, then what shall I fear? Why do I fear?
Digory never spoke on the way back, and the others were shy of speaking to him. He was very sad and he wasn't even sure all the time that he had done the right thing; but whenever he remembered the shining tears in Aslan's eyes he became sure.
It's funny to notice how time goes. To not be caught up in the moment and watch as the moments of your life flow by, as if you were somehow watching your life as though you were watching a movie, seeing someone else move in first-person, but being completely unable to stop or avert the inexorable flow of time.
It's somewhat vexing to realize however that I have slightly more than a month left before I have to return to the bustle of life in an american university. I am thankful though, that I was able to return home, to enjoy a generous respite in the country of my birth, to catch up with family and friends, and to have some quiet to reflect, and think, and perhaps grow a little closer to God... However, as always, the days of rest seem far too short and few between, and as my time in Singapore draws to a close, I find myself looking forward to the work that lies ahead, preparing myself for the tasks that must be done, thinking of what I "ought to" and "got to" do.
Then again, maybe I'll just play sommore dynasty warriors and leave all that till later...
Other thoughts: -Jazz music (jazz piano in particular) is pretty dang cool, especially the sort that leans toward the blues.
-Also, I've been reading C.S. Lewis' Letters to Children, it gives some fairly interesting insights into the man himself, so if you were ever curious about the guy who thought up Narnia, go read it.
-And lastly, anyone wanna go cycling sometime? Like in Ubin or something? East Coast is good too. Alternatively, if you'd like to just grab a coffee or something that's cool too, I just wanna make sure I've caught up with everyone I haven't seen in nine months (which on second thought, is outrageously ambitious of me).
Standing here, waiting for the train to leave, it seems like such a lonely feeling. I glance at the time, in my ears a song's rhyme, a blank time made for dreaming. I wondered then, how my life began, how my mind began to wander. And wondered then, how life would end, when I would find time for slumber. I looked above, to matters of love, and its lack in my surrounding. What would I find, not peace of mind, but quest and query abounding. Yet all this is but an idle chatter, a shot at a turbulent breeze. For all this worry, becomes rather blurry, when running for an arriving MRT.
This song was stuck in my head for ages. It's the opening to an anime called NHK ni Yokoso which I watched with my brother. I finally found a full version of the song on Youtube a couple weeks ago, so uhh enjoy.
Faith: So supposedly, Sang Nila Utama, the supposed prince Palembang supposedly visited Singapore and supposedly saw what supposedly was a lion which supposedly gave Singapore it's supposed name? Jeremy: Yes, supposedly... Faith: Riiiight...